Reclaiming the Power of Illness and Breakdown

Much of what makes me effective for my clients is my capacity to work from a place of grounded compassion and unconditional positive regard.  Although my willingness to be a healer and therapist emerged naturally in early childhood, it has been life's invitation to walk the rigorous path of lived-experience that has truly anchored and opened my heart, and my trust in process, which are essential to all healing.

Likely the most impactful shift of perspective I've come to acquire is my attitude and view on break-downs, illnesses and failings.  My personal experiences of illness on the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual planes have inspired me to re-orient my perspective on them entirely, enabling me to reclaim the inherent power for change and transformation they provide.  With an intention to abide in equanimity (as much as I manage to muster...always a living work in process), I can see that, generally speaking, break downs and illnesses are symptoms of steep learning, growth, healing and transformation.  Said another way, break downs and illnesses are NOT symptoms of failure. 

I greatly appreciate this does not mean the above mentioned are painless experiences; however, a more accepting perspective towards them greatly relieves useless suffering (the old Buddhist adage: "pain + resistance = suffering" definitely fits in here).  When the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, what happens behind the veil of the cocoon is anything but pretty, orderly or easeful.  There is mass cellular death, chaos and distress; there is much death and break down...and yet, these are all the SYMPTOMS of emergence, of becoming and transformation.  Do we perceive the caterpillar as a failure as she painfully sheds her caterpillar-self in order to become a butterfly?  Not.  With great patience and trust (also at times called faith) in the mystery of our unique becomings, we can eliminate the useless sufferings associated with the false gods of fear and resistance.  Learning theory, Systems theory, Positive Psychology theories and Shamanic perspectives are all inviting us to broaden our approach and attitudes towards "break down", so that we can find a more peaceful way and to support us in encompassing a greater, more holistic and hope-inspiring truth.  Choosing to experience our "illnesses and breakdowns" as signposts of our extensive growth and evolution allows us to translate our "failings" into "good news": we are becoming, transforming, learning to fly!

I have deep compassion for your needs as you move through your experience of transformation.  Though ultimately beautiful, the way home is often fraught with fear and confusion, and in our disorientating state connecting to an experienced spiritual mentor and healer can make all the difference (I personally was blessed to have such support on my way).  I do not presume to understand or provide solutions to the mystery of your becoming;  however, I do have every confidence in your capacity to meet yourself, and I have a diverse skillset that enables me to truly support you in your healing.  Asking for help along our way is a gift we can compassionately give to ourselves, I believe we have everything we need to meet our life's challenges, including the capacity to ask for help!  As a conscious and loving pilgrim, Therapist and Healer, I am willing, skilled and honored to walk alongside you, to support you, as you heal and transform.

Namaste

A New Mythology

Quick sharing:

I'm starting to learn about a new paradigm, a new mythology. This learning is taking shape and being informed and inspired from workings and explorations within and without of my self. I keep WAKING UP hearing the song "We Don't Need Another Hero", by Tina Turner...times are a changing, the world is evolving and revolving (as we all are)...Heros come from a paradigm of fear, of monsters and villains...Tina says "love and compassion will have their time"...this is suggesting the new paradigm, something we may not know yet, but are inspired to dream about and imagine. This new paradigm and mythology is a time without fear, without demons, without anything to defend against or slay. Many of us may not yet be able to fathom such a reality, but I'm starting to see/feel/hear glimpse it, and am feeling good cause to set sail guided by it like a North Star. This new story looks like a rainbow, it sounds like a bee, it tastes sweet like health, it feels like safety, it is abundance, if it feels unreal it's only because it's waiting to be. Everything you see around you took shape first in the imagination...I believe it's a dream worth dreaming. We are at a turning point, the old mythology is turning under, experiencing its autumn, and here we are a collective clean up team, tasked with our own healing work, tasked with undoing trauma lines and wounds that have snagged us for too long, carried forward like false gods of fear and suffering that give rise to competition, comparison, judgement and hierarchy. This new reality is one that embodies partnership, cooperation, creativity, equality AND diversity, beauty, ease, harmony, peace. We can do it!!! I know we can!! We've done it before!!! So do it again!! Let's go team living!! Sorry, what's a Jenelle post without some flaming dorkiness!
Love you😍☕️😘❤️💚💖💓
Oh, and one last thing. We don't need hEROS, we need EROS....who is Eros you ask? Why he is Cupid, son of Aphrodite, he is the new divine masculine, his bow and arrow are NOT used to slay or defend, why instead they are used to UNITE lovers!! My kinda masculine!!! And check out the story of Psyche (soul, daughter of Aphrodite) and Eros marriage. The journey of Psyche to become fully realised and conscious feminine! I know I'm now contradicting myself, suggesting an old story to inspire the new paradigm...but perhaps this story was a seed/pearl that was sowed a long time again that has been undergoing its own alchemical and timely evolution to bring about change...the time is now my loves! Dream on!
K, peace.

Off the Camino and Back on Track

Walking home from a wonderful Heart Dance class in Brunz yesterday, I finally felt inspired to write a new blog entry! I say finally as it has been exactly one month since I returned home from my 5.5 weeks in Spain, and until now I had not felt any inspiration to write a blog! As my trip was nothing short of a juicy adventure, I definitely came home with the lofty expectation that I’d be spewing with great insights and stories to share!!!! But, no… not so;-) Instead, it has felt as though I’ve been just waiting; waiting and waiting; listening and listening and waiting still. Waiting quietly, and somewhat impatiently, for an inkling of a writing impulse to spark, land, seed, and flourish!   And low and behold…here it is! And damn I hope it’s good…for your sake anyhow!

Dance class and the weather really set the tone for the buildup and birth of THIS piece: the dance hall was packed with beautiful people, the waves of music were luxurious to move to, and, in anticipation of the spectacular thunderstorm that was poised ready to pounce, the air in the hall was palpably thick with humidity. Although the storm held it’s fury at bay for the duration of our dance class, intermittent sheets of rain pounded down on hall roof, whispering of the intensity yet to be unleashed.
At the end of class, I found myself laying on the floor, soaking up the textured heat of the room and soaking in the dripping evidence of my two-hour dance efforts! In that state of absorbed, warm, feeling-presence, a simple yet satisfying thought bubbled up to the surface and exhaled: “I am here to grow and die”.

Still with me? Too simple? Anti-climactic? Too bad:-)

As I recall it, once that thought landed, expanded and settled in, I experienced bliss, humor and calm simultaneously. In that moment, that thought “I am here to grow and die” felt like a solid and yet soothing Truth, and the simplicity of it was well savoured.

Now, just to give this Truth-stating a dash of "easy there tiger" seasoning, admittedly, nowadays I generally attempt to stab at or grasp Truth with a heavy and willing dose of humility. My willingness to admit ignorance/humility in regards to Truth-grasping is sustained by my rationale that it seems irrational to expect a finite experience of self-hood (which is a long-winded way of referring to “self” or “an individual mind”) to completely and clearly understand the infinite mind of God. (BTW, when I use the word God, I am referring to everything; as in God is everything, and also generally implying that everything/God is Love).  So, if this doesn't feel like Truth to you, no worries, no need for it to:-)

Back to my story:

On my way home from dance I began to try to unpack and understand why the thought “I am here to grow and die” had landed in me with such a distilled and solid sense of ecstatic peace. Matching the momentum of the thought clouds in my mind, the sky above hummed with eager heaving; and the clouds, swollen and tight, were all-to-ready to crack and birth their electric light. Quite literally within moments of me crossing the threshold of my front door the heavens opened, and the first bolt of lightening earthed so uncomfortably close to my home, that several neighbours and I cautiously poked our heads out of our doors and windows to see if any of our local trees were smoldering!

And so, with the storm unleashed, I began to write:-)

I think the reason the thought “I am here to grow and die” felt like such a solid truth, is that the pattern of birth-growth-death is evidenced everywhere in nature. Minerals, plants, animals/humans, planets, solar systems, galaxies, and even, it seems, universes all in their own right experience a beginning (birth), a middle (growth and transformation) and an ending (death). And since, in this life, I’ve already experienced birth and some growth and transformation, then it appears the simple and solid truth that the only things left for me to experience are more growth, and then eventually death.
So why, you may or may not be wondering, is the truth of growth and death so soothing? Well, it’s because I’ve come to realize it is not only birth and growth which are to be gratefully savoured in a life, but also death. Death is an integral aspect of the gift of life, of experience.

Finite birth-growth-death cycles are reassuringly cradled in the endless arms of infinity; and what would be more experientially luxurious to an infinite being other than CHANGE? I mean, if you were an unending, unbeginning being of oneness wouldn’t you crave and create an experience that was other than constant sameness? Wouldn’t you crave parts, contrast, really anything other than the boring, lonely, unrelenting boundlessness of your one self? Finite life, birth and death, would be just the balm for a ceaseless reality. I mean, who doesn’t love a good story! And truly, the only way sameness/boundlessness could have any EXPERIENCE at all would be to have that which was opposite to itself: form, boundedness, birth-growth-and-death! Talk about a relief…finally, a change in the bloody, unrelenting scenery!! I'm sure no-thingness would eventually wear thin!

The old adage “variety is the spice of life” neatly sums this up:-)

So, Yes! definitely my life is a gift; but hooray, so is my death! Death is just as essential and necessary as birth in this finite game. Reframing my death in this way allows me to not only accept it, but also to value, honor, respect and even cherish it. It is not a monster, it is not the bad guy, it is not the result of failing at life. It is a gift. The experience of existence is entirely hinged on my capacity to begin and to end. And I find this incredibly soothing.

I am a finite being afloat in a sea of infinity, and the only essentials on my “to do” list are a) begin/be born (tick), b) live/grow/transform/learn (tick, with more ticks to come), and c) end/die. Talk about a relief, it is entirely impossible to fail at achieving the rest of my list: change is inevitable, as it death! Yay!, any anxiety about fulfilling my purpose in life is quieted (well, almost…I am human after all). But truly, I was enough when I entered this life and took my first breath in, and will be enough as I leave this life and let my last breath go! The infinite loves me because I am finite. This is the dream. This is the gift.

As I believe I’ve mentioned in an earlier blog on the topic of death, I am by no means suggesting the desire for a hurried ending! Instead, I am hoping (and assuming) that this perspective will simply help me feel less apprehension towards the mystery of my life and death, and all the change I experience in between these two events. Ultimately I’m hoping to assume a greater attitude of gratitude towards every flavour I get to taste in the soup pot of my existence.

Thanks for reading, it was a joy to write!

And by the way, the storm is over, there was no damage, but it was an awesome light show!

And also...if you read this blog with a hopeful curiosity to hear about my Camino adventures, thanks for continuing to be patient!

Back In The Womb

This blog first appeared on wordpress.com/yogainthehouse 3 months ago:-)

I can't say I feel super inspired to write at the moment...you might already be thinking "well, time to move on to the next blog then", and since I can't predict how this blog entry is going to end up...you might have been right!  Still, I'm going to persevere and share, so thanks for reading on if you manage to:-)

Time feels a bit muddy right now, but I'd say it's been almost a week since I've been returned home from my "Journey into the Heart and Soul" experience at Path of Love.  I'm hesitant to comment on my experience.  It seems many return blazing a trail of expanded love; I can't say this is my current expression, but I know and trust that time will unfurl jewels and secrets of love along the way.
I've come back very tired; very, very tired.  Before leaving for the Path of Love process my family and I were already head long into a major transition/transformation.  I still have no idea what the outcome of the transformation is going to look like, and I can't even say I understand yet where we've been, but I know something big is underway within me, and ultimately within my family unit.
I've been experiencing a bit of a crisis.  I've been feeling unclear of my role, my identity, my passion, my longing with in my family.  I've been feeling clear that I haven't been exampling true self-love and self-care in family life (who does?), but I know I do feel very inspired to learn how to do this, without hopefully compromising everyone else's wellbeing of course:-)  This is the tricky thing about being in a family, especially with three children; and I appreciate there is nothing special about my crisis, as it truly is a modern-day dilemma that many are feeling called to contemplate and re-consider.

At the Path of Love, the facilitators helped me recognize that one of my self-destructive patterns is to feel what I feel in my body, but then to discount it or ignore it in order to serve the needs of others that I feel responsible for.  This pattern I believe has contributed extensively to my experience of chronic pain, which is predominantly on the right side of my body, and that I have been "working" with for the past 10 years.  I started to carve out proper "self" time within my family about 4 years ago...however, the only way I felt justified to take this time for myself was if I crammed it full with studies and hard work...which truly wasn't what I needed.  Even back then my body was still aching and requiring healing work from two births and extensive breastfeeding and moving country about 8 times in almost as many years, but I ignored it.  Healing is not nearly as esteem-able or as worthy to fill one's time with as hard work and study (this is my super-ego talking of course, but perhaps you can relate), and so I busied myself with "valued" work, things associated with achievements and success (and I'm a contemplative yogi!!).  Everything I've been studying is oriented around the healing arts, and the old adage of "you teach what you need to learn" is definitely true here...  Within the last 4 years I've been pregnant, had another baby, breastfed her for 2.5 years and moved country 3 times... AND still, since having her I continued to cram more studies and business development in; talk about faulty-patterning and self-betrayal!  My body-mind-soul is shattered.  I used to feel like a wimp for admitting to these sorts of feelings; but they are my own, and this is how I FEEL.

And so my journey into the heart and soul was one of outrage at myself, how could I do this to myself? how could I not be on my own side and stick up for my body? this beautiful, amazing, life-giving, sacred temple that houses my heart and soul, how could I betray it/me?????

Through out my Path of Love experience, I definitely touched on some willingness to forgive myself, but I guess that will only truly happen when I feel the pattern has changed: when I truly embody self-care, self-respect and self-love.  And where is this modelled in our current cultural model?  What blue-print do I have of modern day mamas really taking care of their bodies, hearts and souls before grinding themselves into the ground in the name of service to the family?  I feel like many women might have even looked to me as an example of this new-age-empowered-mama taking care of herself, but I know I've definitely been arriving very short of the mark.

Anyhow, everyday is a new day right?  One breath, step and choice at a time.

So, time to get off the computer and lay down, and do nothing...maybe I'll read a book, maybe I'll do nothing but feel my body and say "I love you, thank you for keeping on keeping on, and trying your best at housing me even though I haven't always been on your side".  It is pretty amazing how willing our hearts, cells and tissues are to keep going even though we often treat them/ourselves poorly.  Talk about leading by example in trust and generosity.  Makes me think of our greater body, Mother Earth, and how generous she has been at housing us even though we've been treating her unbelievably poorly...can't tell me there isn't a bigger-picture lesson/metaphor going on there!

So much love, for ME and for YOU, for US and for our MOTHER and LOVER EARTH.

Love

Fasting On Love

I’ve just finished a four hour stint on the beach….FOUR HOURS!!!!  I’ve had four days to myself (FOUR DAYS), as my husband took the kids with him down to visit his parents in Melbourne (for whom I am incredibly grateful for this time; both Lindsay and his Mum and Dad).  So, one would assume that some great epiphanies perhaps would emerge after spending so much time in nature.  And I truly went to the nature end of the beach, where there was NO ONE else, except the birds, the waves, the sun, the sand, and a wallaby that graced me with his or her presence when I pee-ked in the bush:-).
Aside from collecting a beautiful assortment of unique stones on my merry beach way, I do feel I gathered a few thought gems as well.  One of them was the result of contemplating what I need in life.  This was spawned in particular by my discomforts in life.  For example, as I was walking along the beach my right foot really began to hurt.  This has been an ongoing, intermittent pain issue that I have been working with, contemplating and seeking help with for the past 2.5 years (it started exactly the day after my last baby was born)…to say the least it has helped me experiential deepen and integrate my Pain Care Yoga approach to chronic conditions. So, as I was walking, I was thinking AGAIN about what I might need to get the pain to go away.
I’ve had all sorts of philosophical, physical, spiritual and emotional contemplations about pain in the past, a familiar colleague on the path to be sure.  I feel like I have been coming at it from many angles, some days trying to change it, some days trying to accept it, some days trying to connect compassionately to it, some days trying to disassociate from it…but nothing I have tried has truly worked (in regards to my foot pain that is, I have had successes elsewhere in my being re: changing pain).  Sure, some things have made a bit of a difference, some things alleviate it for some time, and then it returns, so the mystery continues.
Anyhow, the point is that the pain inspired the question of “what do I need?”, and curiously enough, as I’ve had all this time with out my family, I’ve taken up the opportunity to do with less than what I usually think I need: I decided to start a cleanse.  I’ve been going without my cup of coffee as the thing I NEED first thing in the morning, as well as experimenting with delaying my breakfast.  I’ve been trying out the 16/8 intermittent fasting diet, where you don’t eat for 16 consecutive hours, and then you eat all your caloric needs in an 8 hours window.  I usually would have breakfast at 7am, whereas for the past four days I’ve been waiting till 11am to break my fast.  I’ve been also eating much cleaner, having a green smoothie for my breakfast, greens and protein for lunch, and a bit of wholegrains, veg and simple protein for dinner.  What has been most surprising is how easy it has been.  I have felt great, I haven’t really felt that hungry through out the day.  In fact, I almost don’t feel hungry at all until I decide I’m going to eat.  And so this has further inspired the wonder of what do I really need?
Now, carrying these food/fasting reflections over to my foot pain dilemma, I started to reflect on how impactful having less of what I normally think I need felt, it felt upward spiralling, healthy.  Although I was expecting the fasting to be challenging, it hasn’t been, and the ‘so far’ benefits of feeling light and clear have been pretty instant.  So, I wonder how this sort of “less is more” or “reorient your perception” approach could help my foot?  I mean, the first reorientation might be perceiving my foot in its perfection, not as a problem that needs my fixing…is that teetering towards delusion?  Hold that thought.
So, as I was riding my bike home from the beach and saw shops full of people buying things, I remembered: I once thought I needed those nice things too, but I feel such relief and freedom to have woken up and realized I don’t need any of those pretty things, they won’t fix what ever hollowness I feel inspired to fill with pretty things…especially when I realized that my personal hollowness feeling had more to do with not feeling good enough in my life, and less to do with not having enough in my life.
Really starting to get somewhere here, summary so far: I thought I needed coffee first thing, but I don’t, I thought I needed pretty things, but I don’t…and now I can see that I think I need to rid myself of this foot pain, do I?? My previous experiences tell me that once I let go of the misguided wantings of “somethings” (coffee and pretty things), they no longer pained me to not have them…so, will the opposite be true with pain?  If I let go of NOT WANTING my pain, will it no longer pain me to have it…will that possibly cancel out the pain???  Is this crazy fasting talk? :-)
When I got home, I was thinking: do I  EVER get a definite response when I contemplate what I need in life?  I mean, I know sometimes I think I know what I need, or a take a stab at it and go with a hunch, but how often can I say I am CERTAIN about what I need?  Perhaps the more uncertain I accept I am about what I need, the less I end up feeling I need at all…it’s like as I accept uncertainty I shed the false presumptions, I shed the false solutions or remedies or answers or expectations, and perhaps reconfigure my attitude towards my needs in the first place.
As I continued this train of thought I was getting all cocky, thinking “Yah, I don’t need much”.  And then in my fasting hysteria I thought “maybe I don’t need anything, maybe everything I think I need is just a construct of my mind” (I need to lay of the existential material I think).
But then it hit me, as I walked up the stairs, entered my home, went to the loo, looked in the mirror…thirst.  Thirst. THIRST hit me. And with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY I KNEW: I NEED WATER!
And then the rest of the clear thoughts came tumbling out after that, saying “Yes, I need earth, and air, and water, and sun”.  Everything I need I can find in nature.  Nature provides everything I need to live, and everything I don’t need from what nature gives, nature can easily take back.  What ever waste in my exhale nature can take back.  What ever waste from the food I eat from the earth, nature can take back (as in poo…just in case that wasn’t clear!).  What ever waste from what I drink (as in pee)…you get the point.  Nature not only takes back my waste, she puts it to good use, she makes more life.  Amazing, talk about alchemy!
Now, I’m not being totally delusional re: what is currently happening compared to this ideal relationship with Nature.  I realize that currently we don’t handle our waste products with respectful reverence for the reciprocal relationship we’re meant to have with Nature.  I also realize that we don’t currently handle our consumables (which really needn’t be much more than food, shelter and appropriate clothing) with respect and reverence for the bounty and beauty and sufficiency in which Nature provides.  And because of this we are destroying our home, and/or creating a lot of toxic mess for us to undo if and when we don’t actually destroy our home but then have to clean up the mess WE created.
Now, the most dangerous and crazy perspective that tries to disassociate from this reality is the one that thinks those of us who die before shit hits the fan won’t have to deal with the mess.  I realize it sounds like crazy talk to suggest that we’ll have to deal with the mess we helped create even after we think we’ve hit the escape button and left this mess behind in our dying process, but this would deny the law of physics that states nothing is ever gone or destroyed, just changed.  Not to mention current quantum physics research and consciousness research supporting and even suggesting that our consciousness continues after death.  Putting it most simply, as I’ve come to understand it, if every other “thing” in this entire cosmos isn’t destroyed, but only changed and recycled, why would our consciousness behave any differently?  Why would consciousness be the ONLY thing that didn’t follow the laws of nature?  It would seem entirely IRRATIONAL and SUPERSTICIOUS to assume or conclude that our consciousness wasn’t recycled like every other element in space/time/existence.  Furthermore, if everything is all there is…as in nothing exists outside of everything…as in NOTHING is a false reality: since our experience confirms that thing/s exist then “no thing” is impossible.  Which means there is only everything, and science shows that everything is connected, and so if we are experiencing everything as a recycled consciousness then no one is getting off the hook…which really just means we all need to see each other as a part of ourselves, say sorry, forgive, and dream a better future TOGETHER.  It’s really starting to sound like what I learned when I was five, funny how we forget.
So anyhow, I’m actually starting to feel really hungry.  But basically, the point of the whole story is: my vote is love.  I choose to love it all.  To both be in love and become love with everything…
which I guess includes you, how lovely!
Thanks for reading.
Love, Jenelle

Death Cafe

In a dream I had the other night, an idea came through: "we're not thinking rebirth, we're thinking resurrection!".  This message really stuck in my mind when I woke up, and I felt curious about it all morning.  So, I took it along with me as I set out for a walk/jog on the beach. 

The weather of the day was, in my opinion, perfect.  The sun was rising behind the waves, turning them a translucent aquamarine, capped with a foamy white crest.  The east of the sky carried the hue of a promising day, while to the west of the sky threatened of deep charcoal and thick grey.  It was this tension of opposites: the coolness of the wind met with the warmth of the sun, and the dark sky merging with the sunny blue, that set the tone of creativity in my mind.

As I jogged along, I was wondering to myself: what is the difference between rebirth and resurrection anyhow?  Which got me thinking about two stories of resurrection that I had recently been considering: that of Inanna/Ereshkigal and that of Jesus Christ.  Both stories tell of incarnate Gods that surrender to the plight of death, and who's resurrection in the end serves the betterment of humankind.  Using these two stories as a back drop, I can appreciate that the difference between rebirth and resurrection is that, unlike in rebirth where you start life anew as a baby, with resurrection you come back to life as you were before you died, but with a new, enlightened perspective; sounds easy enough:-)

These stories of resurrection carry similar flavours to the dismemberment process that I have been learning about in my studies of shamanism.  And, a little closer to home, they also carry flavors of "learn to fail or fail to learn" that is explained in learning theory and in particular by Tal Ben Shahar in the context of positive psychology.  So many different faculties telling the same story using different languages!

So if I were to suppose, as I know Carl Jung would recommend I should, that there was a kernel of gold in my dream to integrate, why should I focus on resurrection instead of rebirth?  Well, I have been thinking a lot about resolving the polarities of opposites in life, so maybe this is the area of desired application. 

I've been contemplating opposing aspects of life such as pleasure and pain, scarcity and abundance, light and shadow, consciousness and unconsciousness, joy and sadness.  I've been thinking about how to approach the darker sides of life so to decrease my resistance to them, as resistance only seems to intensify the discomfort I feel as a result of them.  Example: if I decide to love and celebrate winter instead of hate it, perhaps the pain of missing the green buds of spring will not be as strongly experienced.  Of course, this is a lousy example as I moved to the other side of the world, to the land of perpetual summer, as a solution to winter...so much for attitude adjustment. 

Anyhow, some teachings do suggest that a change of attitude towards darkness works in eliminating or reducing suffering, which feels suggested to in the resurrection stories.  Jesus and Inanna had a different attitude towards death and in the end death did not hold its power over them, they came back to life.  But if we bring this back to home, in the context of seasonal cycles, does that mean that if we have a different attitude towards winter, winter disappears?  Or only that we will relate to winter more like how we relate to spring?  Is the point to eliminate shadow, pain, death, unconsciousness, darkness? Or is there a different lesson in these stories?

Going back to the rebirth model, rebirth seems to reflect the ongoing natural rhythms of life on Earth.  In that recurrent way, it seems to mirror the yin and yang symbol and philosophy.  But, how does evolution play into recurrent cycles? Although in a short frame of time the seasons and cycles appear to repeat themselves endlessly, in a larger frame of time evolution of seasons, landscapes, biodiversity and species is actually always happening.  With each new generation of life, subtle changes in DNA and design take place (think living fractals).  So is this where resurrection folds in to the recipe?  With the resurrection model we have life, death, and then something totally unexpected and new!  Resurrection seems to carry the greater perspective of evolution in a life-death-life story; which in turn helps us transcend the short stories of our own life and death to embrace the part we play in the greater story of the whole of evolution.

When I think about the stories again of Inanna and Jesus, I realize that both of these incarnate Gods consciously, with loving acceptance, faced their deaths.  One could say they accepted death with an abled response, not reactively.  There was an active acceptance of it.  It seems their attitudes are the real magic in the lesson.  Their acceptance, value and respect of death seems to be what enabled them to transcend it; not in an better-than way, but in an integrating way: a way that allowed death to be a welcomed and honored part of the whole.  With that honored, willing acceptance, death lost its fear-based sway over them, and something totally unexpected and wonderful happened, something new!  With this, I'm not suggesting that by accepting and honoring death that we won't end up physically dying.  But, I am suggesting that with an attitude change we might realize something new.  Perhaps we will experience a greater perspective on life that enables us to actualize peace not only in life but in death as well.

This echoes the wisdom shared in the movie "Griefwalker" that I watched the other day.  Stephen Jenkinson talked about fully stepping into this life by not only loving the living part of it, but also the dying part of it.  But how do we love death? 

In a Ted Talk, Barbara Fredrickson (one of my all time favorite positive psychology researchers) was defining what love is.  And this I find useful for thinking about how to love death (in a healthy way).  She said, that in the context of relationship sciences, love is defined as the act of caring for another for their own sake.  And, on the flip side, to receive love is defined as feeling cared for, valued and accepted just as you are.  So, if our relationship with death is to be a loving one, we need to learn how to love death for its own sake, to accept it just as it is.

For me, with the help of Jenkinson's perspective, it makes sense to do this, because the only way to be fully and unconditionally in love with life, I have to love all of it. And, if life is the thing that happens in between the acts of being born and dying, then birth, life and death are all aspects of life that are deserving of my loving acceptance.  To love life only for its living aspect is conditional; to love life for both its living and dying aspects is unconditional. 

I think this is how Inanna and Jesus experienced transcendence in these stories.  They came to see, honor and love death for its own sake.  This changed their way of being in the world, physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and spiritually, and this attitude change enabled a transcendent evolution to occur, which benefitted all of existence...so the stories go. 

I've never considered myself a religious person, though I am grateful for all the religions of the world that have kept the vast richness of stories alive, such as Inanna and Jesus Christ.  I have found them, an countless others, incredibly useful in contemplating my personal here and now.  So thanks:-)

With all of this, I feel a little safer with death and even curiously hopeful for what a peaceful attitude towards both life and death might emerge into.  It also leaves me feeling more grateful for both being alive and for the death process.

Of course...no need to rush into anything:-)

Thanks for reading.
Love and blessings.

Go to the light?

Last night I had the good fortune to watch a movie called "Griefwalker", which focuses on the life and work of Stephen Jenkinson’s (http://orphanwisdom.com/).  The most profound gift, I believe that I came away with, was a deep resonance with Stephen's value of death and darkness. 

In my few years of consciously learning about spirituality, the predominant message I have heard is a hierarchal value of life and lightness.  Even amongst teachers who talk about the shadow aspects of life, it is always with tones of turning shadow into light, like darkness is something requiring fixing.  This message seems so dominant to me, that I often doubt my somatic response to these teachings; but, the truth is, they never sit well in my stomach or heart.  For example, I was recently reading "The Shadow Effect", by three incredibly well respected teachers: Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson.  There was much in the book that I felt in alignment with, that felt nourishing in a wholesome way.  But, as I reached the last chapter my stomach started turning as if I was going to be sick.  Although I realize I have little ground to stand on to concisely argue or discuss my perspective with someone as achieved, educated and experienced as Marianne Williamson, my experience of reading her perspective on shadow left me feeling literally sick to my stomach. 

What do I do with that feeling? 

I by no means wish to be disrespectful to such an acclaimed and thorough teacher, but I also do not wish to give away or dishonor the power of my own unique experience and perspective (though I also do not want to be arrogant or righteous with my anecdotal perspective).  But still, there is something of my reaction that I feel I need to respect in order to begin to understand and/or make use of it as a teaching in its own way.

A few years ago I had a wise woman instill in me the concept of not throwing the baby out with the bath water; which is the tactic I felt intuitively reminded to employ while reading Marianne's words.  There have been numerous times when I have felt incredibly inspired and encouraged by Marianne's work, so this was a time to reflect on the baby, instead of the bathwater, and harvest the gems that her provocative work were surfacing in me.

The message I was viscerally repulsed by was the argument that the shadow/evil/fear doesn't actually exist.  The argument was (in my perspective) rationalized as following: God is love which is everything.  Evil/shadow/fear is the opposite of Love/God, thus evil is a no thing, as there can not exist an opposite to that which encompasses all.  In a way, I can appreciate this argument as sound logic, except that it is hinged on the idea that fear/evil/shadow is the opposite of love.  This is where/when my tummy starts to turn.

With this idea not sitting quite right in me, I was very aware of it (like a sore thumb) in my consciousness.  As I attempted to digest it, I could feel it rolling around the internal waves of my mental stomach as I tried to break it down and dismantle it, to understand, assimilate and/or eliminate it.  What surfaced for me was a clear awareness of the bias in many spiritual teachings that relegate love to team light, as opposed to team shadow.  What else surfaced for me was an idea/question: maybe love doesn't take sides, and yet still somehow plays for both teams? 

And so I realized that I feel like love is both light and darkness AND something else.  That it is transcendent. 

As I tried really hard to conceptualize what this something else is, I sort of gave up, and thought: perhaps the current way I am, with what I am endowed with (brain, body, mind, spirit), does not support a consciousness that can wholly understand and appreciate Love/God.  I'm not trying to be a cop-out, I just find it really hard to creatively picture that which is beyond everything I can currently perceive/imagine.

And yet still, one last thing surfaced for me during this unravelling: the dissonance I feel in general with the word "transcendent", or at least how it is currently interpreted and used.  In general, the word transcendent is implied as meaning something which is beyond.  I can appreciate this to a point, but it always leaves me feeling unsatiated.  To me, as only representing that which is beyond, it carries a hierarchal energy, as if it were associated with ascension.  But, this would make the word transcendent redundant, as ascending covers the up, and descending the down.  So, if "transcending" is something different or beyond opposites, it wouldn't carry a directionally bias tone. 

With the little research I did, I came to learn that the word "scend" means: the push or surge created by a wave (www.oxforddictionaries.com), and "trans" is Latin for across, through, beyond.  We seem to have reduced the word trans to only carry the qualities of beyond, when perhaps it is also meant to carry the qualities of through AND across.  Now this is a form of transcendence I can sink into: it is not simply beyond this world, it bleeds through and across every aspect of this world and still it is something else...and, it is the something I struggled to conceptualize. 

So, for me, this is what Love is.  It is transcendent.  It saturates light and darkness, life and death, that which we like and that which we don't; it is both/and AND either/or.  It is something else that we maybe can't yet make sense of (or maybe never will?).  It is mystery: something beyond, across and through.  But, we are still a part of it, it is not better than or other than us.  Just as we are, here and now, we are a part of transcendence, we are a part of Love.

Love and blessings,
Jenelle