Nit Picking

Yes, this blog really is, literally, about nit picking!  I bet you never thought you would read about the depths of spirituality in relation to nits, but here it is: a yogi's blog about lice!  Recently, I have been reading Thomas Moore's book "The Soul's Religion", where he strongly suggests and talks about finding spiritual depth within the mundane and daily life challenges, and so I was inspired to write and share my recent experience of this.  I hope you enjoy the story!

Nearly two years ago, my young family and I were living in Brunswick Heads, Australia.  A paradise if there ever was one, Brunswick Heads is a life-giving, beautifully pristine, lush environment.  It is located in the sub-tropics, with two rivers coursing through it, butted up against the generally warm Pacific ocean.  It is here, on Brunz's stunning coastline, that I've had the frequent pleasure of witnessing humpback whales cresting and dolphins surfing the break waters.  Brunswick Heads is amazingly beautiful. 

The only 'problem' with Brunswick Heads, is that it is so beautiful, abundant and supportive to life that EVERYTHING wants to live there...and everything can, including an abundance of lice and other parasitic creepy-crawlies.  Unlike the witnessing of whales and dolphins, these are life forms I had no aspiration or intention to warmly welcome.  And so, when I was confronted by them, I struggled significantly. 

The story goes like this:

Just moved country, from Canada to Australia, pregnant with our third child.

Life is a dream, we love the area, we are healthy, we are well.

We have our beautiful baby, all is well, my mother and father are with us to help with the family's transition...all is ideal, smooth and wonderful!

Nonetheless, we make a decision to move back to Canada to bring our baby "home".  Preparations to move (yes shortly after having a baby) begin.

Shortly there after, youngest son is riding his bike one evening, it is dark, he flips over an unseen obstacle in the night, he lands frightfully...we are with a friend who used to be a MD, she is concerned re: possibility that he has broken his neck.  My heart stops, this is when a mother stares into the abyss and asks: can life really take this turn?  We call an ambulance, at the hospital the x-ray is suspicious, a break can't be ruled out for C1, if my heart hasn't already stopped, than it is surely about to break, not sure I remember breathing after this news from the doctor.  Son is taken to a larger hospital for an CT scan.  After an all night ordeal, and hours of fear and anxiety, good news prevails: son's neck is not broken.

One week later, realize the same son has lice.  Though this is nothing compared to a possible neck break, the reality is that our nerves have not yet come back down to Earth.  Stress is on high.  Brain is in red mode.  Did I mention it is the beginning of the wet season.  We do not have a dryer.  If you have ever had to deal with lice, you will know how useful having a dryer is.  No dryer, and no sun (wet season) to dry clothing/linen.  Lots of trips to Laundromat.  Did I mention we have a newborn baby, did I mention we are starting to pack/organize to move country....

One week later, realize same son that almost broke his neck, that had lice, now has pin worms.  Stress and anxiety levels are reaching breaking point and I don't know how to surf.  Did I mention we have a newborn baby, did I mention we are trying to prepare to move country, did I mention it is the wet season, did I mention we don't have a dryer...

Well.  All is well that ends well, right!?  We dealt with the lice, the worms, the laundry, the new baby, the packing, and move back to Canada.  Collective exhale.

At the time, I didn't think it was possible to have post-traumatic stress disorder from such seemingly trivial and non-life threatening events (aside from the fear of a broken neck of course); however, the amount of fear-avoidance and flashbacks I was having suggested otherwise.  I became obsessed (as my kids and husband will attest to) with hand washing, hair checking and other obsessive compulsive types of behaviour and thinking around avoiding 'contamination'.  And so, with my practice of contemplation and reflection (aka yoga and meditation), it became apparent that my work was cut out for me.  I mean, this is the reason I called my business Yoga In The House, because this is where yoga is lived out and carried through: off the mat and in my kitchen, laundry room, garden, neighborhood and in general in my relationships with self and other.

I started reflecting on my emotionally charged attitudes and reactions to these experiences.  Absolutely, I could partially write them off too an accumulation of several small, though intense, experiences, but I was open to seeing these experiences more symbolically and spiritually.  What is it about my attitude or life experiences that rendered these parasitic encounters so upsetting?  Using my emotions as my guide, I recognized that I felt 'invaded', I felt like these creepy-crawlies were "the unbearable other": I considered them disgusting, unacceptable and repulsive; they had no place, they didn't belong.  Furthermore, I reflected on my fear-avoidance, about how my experiential knowledge of these parasites left me on-guard, not wanting to be re-infected by anyone else who might have them.  These are strong reactions, and I must admit I'm a little embarrassed by them, which is why I feel more compelled to share them. 

In comparison to what I grew up knowing or believing, pin worms, lice and other parasitic infections are in fact pretty darn common, but not the sort of things one talks about over tea or wine.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of social shame and anxiety around having them, which makes sharing your personal stress and experience less of an option.  The old adage of sharing a burden makes it half as heavy, comes to mind.  Upon reflection, I noticed that shame and anxiety were the same feelings I had around talking about my depression when I was struggling with it, which severely debilitated my capacity to share and overcome my mental health burden.  My experience of bottling up burden took me on a downward spiral, as there was no escape for the negativity and it simply compounded in my small personal system, taking me down with it.  Once I did open up and share, I found relief and a way out.  I found others who related to my pain and struggle, who had insights I could grow from and flourish out of.  In fact, my depression ended up being a soulfully enriching experience, teaching me the value of showing courage and vulnerability while sharing the depths of raw experience; in this way others feel the permission to be vulnerable and can relate their own struggles, and together you both grow to become more resilient and connected.

I am obviously not the first person to identify the destructive forces of shame and anxiety.  Dr. Brene Brown so skillfully articulates this social oppressor in her Ted Talk on the "Power of Vulnerability", and in her book "The Gifts of Imperfection".  As a yogi, reflecting on my own personal life circumstances that stimulate a shame and social anxiety response point clearly to our (including my own) moralistic judgements of others, as well as to our collective fear of being associated with that judged as belonging to the darkness of life, that which is unwelcomed and soiled.  I feel the limitations and destructive nature of shame would be substantially reduced, if not eliminated if more of us practiced compassion, acceptance and empathy, both to self and other.  Really disgusting, unfortunate, painful and revolting things happen in life, even when we think we 'should' have control, should have been able to prevent it.  The truth is, we ALL fall from grace from time to time, some of us more frequently than others, so what is the point in casting stones at one another, or determining whether or not one person's darkness versus another's is worthy of alienating them, or disowning them from the tribe/community.  We feel shame when we fear that we will be judged as being unacceptable, intolerable, and no longer welcomed in our tribe or community for what we have done or for what has happened to us.  Compassion, acceptance and empathy are useful individual and social balms for soothing the pain of shame and judgement.

So, on one hand, I am sharing this nit-picking story to hopefully help others struggling with parasitic encounters in defusing feelings of shame and anxiety, and I am also sharing this story to example the wonderful possibilities for soulful transformation when we take the time to reflect and integrate spirituality into these types of mundane and daily life ordeals. 

In the end, I found my way not by going OVER or disassociating from things feelings, or from the realities of parasites, but by going THROUGH them.  My way through these feeling of invasion, shame and anxiety was by ACCEPTING that I felt them, REFLECTING on the how and why I felt and reacted the way I did, and then treating myself COMPASSIONATELY.  By reflecting on these feelings I managed to transfigure my perception and relationship with both the concept of 'parasites' and 'invasion', as well as my judgment of myself (and others) for having them.  Although, I must admit I still do not really love the idea of ever being a host to creepy crawlies, it is in fact a reality that I need to come to terms with.  We are living organisms in a giant living system of co-existence; although we have perceivable boundaries that help individualize us, interconnectivity and dependence is a core fact of life (both from a quantum and relative platform).  In this ordeal I have had to find a way to realize that all creepy crawlies, not matter how big or small are an integral part in the whole cosmos, they too belong.  So I guess, if you can't beat them, join them (or at least accept them compassionately)!

Also, finally and luckily, I have since come across literature that has supported the notion that parasites are not only integral, but an essential part of our immunity and optimal health function.  Societies that have a healthy, manageable parasitic load are indeed healthier, more resilient and more robust than those cultures (like North Americans) who have fewer parasites (notice the word fewer here).  Also, we now know that as human beings we are mostly made up of bacteria that do not share our DNA.  Only 10% of our cells are human cells, the rest are 'other' cells with foreign DNA.  I just love this concept, it really brings home the need to find peace with those we consider 'other', as we are interconnected and our basic living function is dependent on our co-existence and synergistic living.

Anyhow, another beautiful result of this perspective shift on nit picking is that now I actually enjoy the process.  Yes, I enjoy it (talk about reframing!).  In the spirit of creating new family traditions :-), we now do a light-hearted, weekly routine, family lice check, and even our little two year old gets into the spirit of it.  She loves to take part in the caring/grooming 'ritual'.  And, as my mother would whole-heartedly attest to, it is wonderful to have someone play with your hair...especially when that someone is a cute, pudgy, adorable bundle of two year old joy! 

I never thought I would have ever described checking for lice as wonderful, but there you have it, oh the transformative powers of contemplative reflection!